171089

Joke of the Day

"guard your heart, cater to no man's ego, honor your own time and your energy, don't use uber. happy 2015."

"I once knew two ranchers named Jim.... They had a thousand cattle between them. One night while unwaken. Their cattle were taken. My Jimmy's were rustled, shagrin."

"Unless you can be Batman, always be yourself."

"Some guy beside me farts, so I say : ""Hey! Some arsehole's talking shit behind your back!"""

"What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute? You only cry when you're cutting up one. Sorry if this is too 'dirty' a joke, just a change of pace I guess."

"I hate people who take drugs... ...such as the police and customs officers."

"How to make an idiot curious? I'll post the answer tomorrow."

"Where on Earth can you find the highest concentration of Jews? In the atmosphere."

"All mushrooms are edible... Some you can only eat once."

"I BELIEVE A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE KITCHEN 20% of the time."