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Joke of the Day

"guard your heart, cater to no man's ego, honor your own time and your energy, don't use uber. happy 2015."

"Q: Why couldn't the blonde add 10 and 7 on a calulator? A: She couldn't find the 10 key."

"What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller."

"In order to stop all the black lives matter protests Just play the national anthem on repeat, they will all sit down or kneel."

"What do we want? TO BE LESS INSECURE? When do we want it? NOW! Um, I think... Soon, I guess? Is that weird? When do people usually want it?"

"My mom: I was thinking of getting my grandson a drum set for Christmas! Me: Funny. I was just thinking about getting a new mother."

"My dick is like a dollar bill... About 6 inches long, 3 inches wide, and you should wash your hands after touching it"

"The Uranus hokes will never get old I just can stop lauging at the planets name."

"Bob told his wife, ""I can't work for him anymore after what he said to me"". Wife: What did he say? Bob: You're fired"

"So have you heard about the mass immigration problem ALDI has been having? They even got a new slogan: Do work or ALDI port ya"