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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a gay guy who gives bad blow jobs? A tooth fairy."

"Some cats just sit there looking at you like you owe them money."

"I was lucky enough to meet and have an excellent conversation with the worlds leading brain surgeon. Best cab ride ever."

"I went to the doctors with a lettuce just poking out of my bottom... The doctor asked why I was so concerned. I replied, I think it's just the tip of the iceberg"

"What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common? Both looking for a tight seal."

"They say the heart is the most resilient organ... it can really take a beating."

"Are you the energizer bunny cause you just keep going and going through my mind."

"@JustCallMeMike_: Make allergy season more exciting by snorting confetti so that every time you sneeze... it's like a little party on your face."

"*First Date* Her: Hobbies? *thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building* Me: Architecture and Astronomy. Her: Impressive."

"It's been 50 years since The Jetsons showed us a wacky science-fiction world where you could afford two kids and a house with just one job."