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Joke of the Day

"It's been a week since my wife went missing. The police told me to expect the worst. So I took her things back out of the garbage bin."

"My Easter wish is for Paul Simon to finally turn cannibal, if only because I'm beyond ready for him to record ""Fifty Ways to Eat Your Lover"""

"Infatuation Bastard That was the punchline, here's the question... What did Pauline Hanson say when a Chinese man asked her how she cooks her chips?"

"(Showing off new car) Father-in-law: Looks good, what engine has it got? Me: *ultra confident* a grey & black one"

"I wanted to kill myself by drinking 100 beers, but when I finished my second one, I felt much better."

"Fajita poop, fajita poop! How dreadful are thy splashes!"

"What do you call a ghost in spring? April ghouls"

"Every commercial for every product should have a scientist looking into a microscope. That gives me the confidence to buy"

"You can tell if your gold chain is fake... ...by leaving the room and listening to see if it talks crap about you to other jewelry."

"If you always think the grass is greener on the other side, maybe you should water what the fuck you have and see how that works out first."