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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a baby and a feminist? I don't want to punch the baby in the fucking face."

"What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three ho's"

"dyslexic x 2 1) Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He laid awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog. 2) So, the dyslexic guy goes into a bra."

"There's a very thin line between having your foot out of the covers enough to stay cool but not enough so it gets eaten by monsters."

"Charlie Chaplin called I couldn't hear him though."

"GOLDFISH: i swear i'll have your money by tomorrow GOLDFISH MOBSTER: what money? GOLDFISH: who are you? GOLDFISH MOBSTER: where's my mon"

"What do you call a Hispanic woman with no legs? Consuelo! My mother told me this one"

"Long ago, my mentor told me to look into self improvement. He used to mumble a bit, though. Now I don't have the discipline to actually build one, but I know everything about constructing shelves."

"I've no idea why I'm a virgin. But I'm guessing it's because my Siamese twin is really ugly."

"[Checks for abs] Abs : I have a boyfriend"