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Joke of the Day

"Tonight I'm going to be naughty and tie my man to the bed. Then I'll make him watch a Golden Girls marathon while I eat the left over pizza."

"She was a no-nonsense, high powered executive who played hard but never had time for love. He was a dog who thought he was people."

"What does a South Carolina cop do when a panda runs away from him? Shoots him 8 times in the black."

"One day my GPS is gonna say, ""You should know this one by now"" and shut off."

"Hi Africa, it's America. A guy over here just ate 69 hotdogs in 10 minutes! How's everything going with you?"

"Melissa McCarthy has been diagnosed with an aggressive flesh eating virus They've given her only 14 years to live, if untreated."

"What is a Thai person's finishing fight move. Bangkok."

"Volvo was rated the safest car in America in '94. That's why Kurt Cobain had one, he didn't want to kill himself."

"Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris had a contest to see who had more balls... Chuck Norris won by three."

"If Petrus were to get a tattoo... ...would it be called lithography?"