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Joke of the Day

"Dad joke Daughter: Dad, do you know what a Dad joke is? Me: Of course honey, its what comes out of a dad egg."

"What did the milk say after it got beat? ...It's butter this way"

"I saw a tree harassing people today... So I told it to leaf them alone."

"What's known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn't use its full name, which happens to be ""Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division""."

"I've never run a marathon, but once I walked real fast across a parking lot because Krispy Kreme was about to close."

"Rude lady to me, ""Well I'm sorry but you don't LOOK sick to me."" Me, ""Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don't look stupid."""

"Conjunctivitis.com... ""Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes"" - A Tim Vine joke, just thought I'd share."

"Did you hear about the janitor who lost his job at the sperm bank? [dirty] He was caught drinking on the job..."

"What did the ghost of Kurt Cobain say right after his death? My feet are killin' me!"

"I asked my buddy if he wanted me to feed his dog real quick before we left He said back to me, ""Nah, fuck it."" I don't know why he tried kicking my ass, I was just doing what he said."