170415

Joke of the Day

"I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl... ... She'd always say ""No! Just flush it like a normal person!"""

"Lindsay Lohan was released from jail early this morning and in related news, I still don't give a shit about her."

"Short latino What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he is to short to be an ese."

"Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout."

"What has six eyes but can't see? Three blind mice."

"Women think they are smart for faking orgasm Men fake whole relationships just to get sex."

"Had a skype interview yesterday and I completely avoided the fact that I am actually a centaur"

"Daniel Day-Lewis sent over 20 million emails to prepare for his role as LinkedIn"

"Why did the worm want to learn kung-fu? so he could flip the bird"

"Beyonce is a great actress because there is no way she has the time or energy to have the kind of sex she sings about."