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Joke of the Day

"Me: Wake up son! Son: Just 30 more minutes please Me: I'm borrowing your phone Son jumps of the bed: I'm awake!"

"Q: April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims."

"I painted my computer black... thinking it would run faster but it just stopped working"

"Why 4D was invented ? Because yo mammas ass so fat it couldn't fit in 3D."

"What do you call a brain dead Swede? A vegetable.."

"Local store is having a MLK day sale Everything is 2/5ths off"

"I had to do my nightly chores twice today Thanks daylight savings!"

"My horoscope says I will meet the man of my dreams today. Not sure how my husband will take the news but I'm pretty damn excited"

"What's better than roses on the piano ? Tulips on the organ."

"Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me It's not my fault they don't have Windows"