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Joke of the Day

"I bought my girlfriend 2 presents for her birthday I got her a new pair of shoes and a dildo. If she doesn't like the shoes, she can go fuck herself."

"I just got a job cleaning air ducts and I don't like it very much, but at least I have a job. Thanks for letting me vent."

"People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi."

"Which position is for a baseball player wearing a buttplug? Shartstop"

"[after 20 minutes of awkward silence in the sauna] ""This isn't the bathroom is it"""

"My girlfriend told me to roleplay as her daddy. So I left her."

"How many social justice activists does it take to change a lightbulb? They can't change anything lol"

"What to you call an Eskimo peeping Tom? Tommy Tookalook"

"What do you get when you boil tree trunks with sugar? Log jam."

"To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome"