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Joke of the Day

"""I definitely have the biggest penis in this room,"" I announced drunkenly at the party. Slightly ruined my son's 13th."

"The Republicans haven't got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour."

"My swag dont stop cause my heelies keep rollin"

"Did you hear about the cannibal who was late to dinner? Yeah, he got the cold shoulder."

"The best cure for male pattern baldness is a six-figure income."

"Assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming, the thai food delivery boy who you assumed was from Thailand but is actually Chinese."

"How to eat French fries: 1) Eat all the good ones. 2) Leave the yucky ones and feel superior. 3) Wait 5 minutes. 4) Eat all the yucky ones."

"I'll never forget my grandfather's last words.. ""Stop shaking the ladder you little shit"""

"You know you're in a shitty bar when the food is colder than your beer."

"What's Bruce Lee's favorite car? Kiaaaaaaaa"