170287

Joke of the Day

"Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*"

"Calm down penguins. You're just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus."

"My mum always told me it's better out than in... But my uncle always told me that it's better in than out."

"Why was the little shoe unhappy? Because his father was a loafer and his mother was a sneaker."

"Here's a joke! My social life!"

"Two parallel lines match on tinder But they never meet!"

"It's weird to think there was a time when the most data a tablet could hold was five commandments."

"How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb ? Apparently not four as my basement is still dark"

"Where do safari animals buy their groceries? From the supermeerkat"

"Life is not like a box of chocolates. It's more like not being allowed to leave the table until you finish your brussels sprouts."