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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people in this world: people who pee in the shower and liars."

"Why was the diamond depressed? He had been under a lot of pressure lately."

"What is something that Ronda Rousey and myself both have in common? We only last 48 seconds."

"What has seven arms and can't spell? Def Leppard"

"Why were the two managers sitting around sketching crockery before the start of the game? It was a cup draw!"

"DOCTOR: You've suffered a brain injury. It's affected your hippocampus ME:What? Lol sorry I was picturing hippos at college. Who are u again"

"What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both purple except the elephant."

"Why did the popular kittens not want to hang out with the kitten with a prosthesis? [OC] It was an obvious faux paw. ^Credit: ^My ^wife's ^a ^dork."

"Sometimes on a clear cool night I look at the stars for hours and wonder what cool things I'd be doing if my Internet weren't down."

"I tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling cause it's cheaper than a smoke alarm."