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Joke of the Day

"One day my kids are gonna be like ""please let us off the roof"" and ill reply ""400 on black"" because ill be at a roulette table far far away."

"Netflix has a doc called ""Fascism in Colour""; wouldn't this be more of a ""black-and-white"" issue?"

"We had a muslim friend.. Who was always late to the class. We used to call him 9/12. Edit: he is still my best friend."

"I have a dog. He has no legs. I named him ""Cigarette."" And everyday, I take him for a drag."

"Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad."

"Just found out exercising... ...and exorcising are two very different things. Officially canceling my membership to the most terrifying gym ever. (via @wiseguypictures)"

"Lots of hockey tweets, sadly I'm from Alabama where a bunch of white guys chasing something black with sticks has a whole different meaning."

"I just checked Web MD and a heart that grows two sizes is called a cardiomegaly and the grinch is pretty fortunate to be alive."

"A beautiful girl said hello to me. I replied 'thank you' before I could think."

"So I'm at the bank today, and the attractive female teller was flirting with me and stuff which was weird considering she could see my account balance."