170101

Joke of the Day

"When comedian Jimmy Carr was told by an obese women ""I think you're fatist,"" he responded, ""No. I think you're fattest."""

"[in a normal speaking voice from top row of football stadium] Good luck today guys"

"What do you call a group of slow extremist Muslim Dr Who fans? Tardis..... I will see myself out.."

"you may have noticed my signature fedora, my signature has a little fedora drawn on it to look like it is wearing one"

"When I started doing stand-up, I didn't have a lot of my own material, so I used to steal Mitch Hedberg jokes I still do, but I used to too."

"Why does Bruce Willis live in America and watch porn? Because he wants to live free and die hard"

"What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves. Free, you racist."

"What's the best machine to impress women at the gym? The ATM"

"What do a lonely astronaut and your thumbs have in common? They both hang out at the Space Bar."