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Joke of the Day

"I went to a restaurant with my wife last night and ordered the Hippo soup. I'm still not sure what I'm going to order for myself."

"Her: What's a girl gotta do to get a drink? Me: You just give the bartender your order. Her: ... Me: It's really pretty easy. Her: *leaves*"

"My girlfriend was really excited about squishing a spider.. I told her she was turning into a cold blooded killer.."

"Why was the liquor trader arrested? Because he was in cider trading"

"A prisoner said to me today ""Boss, I think my cellmate is a fag"" ""cos he closes his eyes when i kiss him goodnight"""

"What would I do if Future tried talking to me? I'd autotune him out. :)"

"I'm okay with ""lol"", I'm cool with ""omg"", I even tolerate ""rofl"", but ""smh"" needs to gtfo."

"My college bar had a ""Blow your GPA"" drink special night until all the Asian students died..."

"What's red and smells like paint? Red paint"

"Spring makes every day feel like you're stuck in the office on a Friday afternoon."