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Joke of the Day

"If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too."

"Why do blondes have bruises around their belly buttons? Because blonde guys are stupid too."

"""Phone Call to My Dad"" feat. My Mom Yelling Things at Me in the Background"

"I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one ""Homer"""

"6 months ago my doctor gave me 6 months to live. But when I couldn't pay my bill today, he decided to give me another 6 months."

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"(Possible trigger) I wanted to smoke a joint with some Mexicans today.. I asked if anybody had papers and they all ran."

"Why does Bigfoot have a nice butt Because he does sassquats"

"Me: Can I pet your dog? Stranger: sure M: one more time S: uh, ok M: again S: maybe you should get your own M: pet S: we have to go M: mine"

"Everybody, it's OK to vote for Hillary Clinton The snuke in her sniz was successfully deactivated."