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Joke of the Day

"Preacher: CAN I GET AN AMEN?!? Me: [from back row] MAY you get an amen"

"cw: 4 is allergic to cats & we have a 9yr old cat at home. Sucks me: Getting rid of it? cw: Have to, why? me: Is cats it's only defect?"

"I'm about to tell my date that my penis is twelve inches wide. I don't know how she's going to take it."

"How can a room full of couples be empty? There wasn't a single person in there."

"How do kids from chernobyl count to a 100? On their fingers"

"*Robocop smashes tail light* Uh oh, that's a citation *He drops a bag of weed* Damn that's 20 years *Robohippie starts to sweat*"

"Two children pieces of graphite are playing with a diamond..... ...Mummy piece of graphite walks in and says ""Leave your Father alone - he's been under a lot of pressure"""

"My girlfriend said if I don't stop my obsession with Viking culture she'll fight me to the death ""Jokes on you"" I said ""if I die in battle I'll go straight to Valhalla"""

"Two peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted."

"I will name my kid Pluto When he grow up, he will ask me, ""Dad, did you name me after a planet?"". And i will be like, ""No:("""