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Joke of the Day

"How can a room full of couples be empty? There wasn't a single person in there."

"How many friend-zoned guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They just sit around and compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw."

"What does a man with a cow under his nose have? A moostache (That was udderly terrible)"

"This year I decided I am going back to the real roots of Thanksgiving and celebrating it in the traditional fashion. I will be handing out smallpox blankets to Native Americans."

"Who is ISIL's favorite Star Wars character? ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR! ADMIRAL ACKBAR!"

"How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely ? With it's sparrowchute !"

"[interview] ""what's you're biggest weakness?"" *whispers* ""sorry i couldn-"" I CANT CONTROL MY VOLUME"

"Facebook: ""Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!"" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]"

"I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant?? Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure."

"My friend was run over by a car. And man did he lose his head over it."