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Joke of the Day

"I'm so good at this Fitbit thing! I reached my daily step goal before I even left my bed this morning!"

"I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out... I say bought I actually stole it off a short fat, ginger kid"

"What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese Girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"I fan speak a little French I'd like to bon appetit (bone a petite) Edit: can not fan"

"What has 100 legs and sixteen teeth? The front row of a Willie Nelson concert."

"Cinco de Mayo is when all the single white women in your office go out for margaritas after work and loudly call each other ""hooker."""

"People keep pushing me around and calling me lazy... I don't care what they say though this wheelchair is the best thing I ever bought!"

"What's the difference between Botox and Borax? Two letters."

"Why do some people call it a ""tuna-fish"" sandwich? It's not like anyone calls it a ""chicken-bird"" sandwich."

"Barista: How do you take your coffee? Me: Seriously. Very seriously."