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Joke of the Day

"How do you make a tiramisu? With a thousand Gigamisous"

"I tried to make the earthquake drill realistic by throwing glass shards and screaming ""You fuckers are dead."" I'm no longer safety captain."

"Patient: ""It must be tough spending all day with your hands in someone's mouth."" Dentist: ""I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet."""

"What Does a Mexican Say When You Help Him Off the Lawn Gracias"

"Being nice to people who don't deserve it is exhausting, but the feeling at the end of the day, when you're not in jail for murder, is nice."

"What is Al Qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets"

"How could a leper afford a nice house? It cost an arm and a leg"

"What's a pirate's favorite sexual partner? Can't legally consent because they're retarrrrrrrrded."

"A couple of my friends tried to steal a statue last night... But it turned out to be a bust."

"(Works better spoken) The seaman was asked what he was doing when he got out. He said when he got discharged he'd be buried in pussy."