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Joke of the Day

"My beard itches, Web MD: Beard cancer"

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"I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her."
"Teacher: Why can't you ever answer any of my questions? Pupil: Well if I could there wouldn't be much point in me being here!"
"When they buried the man who invented Tetris... The whole cemetery disappeared. -Gary Delaney"
"Do seagulls ever wake up in the morning and take a moment to gather their thoughts, or do they just go straight into seagull stuff?"
"Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts."
"What is orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot"
"Do you know what really gets my goat? El chupacabra"
"I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it."
"Superman: Only one cookie left. Batman: Rock, paper, scissors for it? Superman: 1, 2, 3, GO! Batman: *pulls out Kryptonite and eats cookie*"