178091

Joke of the Day

"I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it."

"DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?"

"What do a walrus and tupperware have in common? They're both looking for a tight seal."

"Anyone who says 'they wish they could be a fly on the wall' has clearly never been attacked by a woman with a rolled up newspaper."

"Why did the Chicken cross road? With rice."

"Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do."

"What's green and has four wheels? A turtle. I was lying about the wheels"

"How many vegan people does it take to change a lightbulb? One vegan, I am vegan, it was me - the vegan, I was the only vegan, it was me."

"On second thought this ""Thug's Life"" tattoo probably shouldn't have been done in Comic Sans."

"At least there's one other woman who's more wasted than me in this emergency room. No, my mistake, she's got dementia."