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Joke of the Day
"Sex is like cookies... ...gotta ask for consent first."
Next Joke
"The CEO of Comcast dies and goes to heaven..."
"4 types of orgasms [video] [I think the video form is much better](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLckTJTwRYk). It's SFW btw."
"Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana Nana BATMAN! -Me, sorting through my grandma's mail."
"All my friends say that I'm a psychopath. That's not true, I don't have any friends."
"""How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?"" - Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets"
"If I owned a Chinese restaurant, I'd install dimmer lights in the bathroom. Should anyone dim the lights, I'd have a song play. When the Lights Go Down in the Shitty"
"Angela Merkel got sad when she heard that she didn't win the Nobel Peace Prize after taking in so many Syrian refugees So I offered her a tissue "
"I was never a photogenic person, because when everyone said cheese I said ""WHERE""?"
"Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager."