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Joke of the Day

"What's BROWN and making California a miserable place to live? California Governor Jerry BROWN you racist asshole!"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Interrupting cow. Interrup........ MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! [Works best IRL](/spoiler)"

"If Petrus were to get a tattoo... ...would it be called lithography?"

"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."

"Why are boys faster than girls? Because they have ball bearings and a stick shift."

"Knock-knock. Who's there? No, he's on first."

"Whats the difference between a prostitute and a bowling ball? You cant fit a prostitute in a bowling ball"

"Girl, are you Sodium Hydroxide? cause you basic."

"Why did the geologist quit his job? His boss always took him for granite."

"Hey Facebook, I really don't care that somebody commented on a post that I commented on seven days ago."