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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes, when I am pumping gas, I'll wink at the person at the next pump and say, ""This smells terrific."""

"How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? One. We are efficient and don't have humor."

"Pretty cute that my husband wanted to role-play that I was his maid and then not break character for 14 years."

"i feel wrong i think im having a dyslexic stroke. i cant smell anything on the left side of my body and i feel toast."

"Why do girls never propose Because as soon as she gets on her knees, she starts unzipping him"

"""This is your Captain speaking. My co-pilot just bet me we can't do a barrel roll. So fasten your belts cuz I got five bucks riding on this"""

"You know how I just broke this huge cookie in half and put the other half away like I wasn't going to eat it? That was funny."

"What do you call a barking dog riding the subway? a sub-woofer!!!"

"My phone changed 'loud' to 'logs' so I ""laughed out logs"" at a friend's joke. I mean, I did poop a little, BUT HOW DID MY PHONE KNOW?"

"Helium walks into a bar and orders water. The bartender apologises, ""sorry sir we are out of water"" ... It doesn't react"