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Joke of the Day

"What happens when Nigel Farage makes a promise? He brexit."

"me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first! son *screaming*"

"It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it"

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but ... I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"What did the German physicist use to drink his beer? Ein stein. - From Big Nate, as told by my kid."

"There are three kinds of women: the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority."

"An atheist, a vegan and a crossfitter walk into a bar. I only know because they told everyone within two minutes."

"I am opening a restaurant called ""Peace and Quiet"" A kid meal is 250"

"Why is Harry Potter better than Jews? He made it out of the chamber."

"A calculus lecture at a college Only four students are present. Suddenly six students get up and leave the auditorium. The professor thinks: ""If two more come in, there will be no one left!"""