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Joke of the Day

"I saw this guy in Walmart... ...who was bashing his head on the border between aisles 9 and 10. He said ""Go away muggle, I'm trying to get into aisle 9 3/4!"""

"Boss: I'll tell you what I want Me: So tell me what you want, what you really really want *office breaks into Spice Girls dance routine"

"Just crushed my son in an epic game of Monopoly. His tears flooded Baltic Avenue."

"If you see me tied to a horse please know I don't own one so whoever robbed me has gone out of their way to make me look like a fool."

"If you're suicidal and experience time backwards, then you're in luck! The only way you can commit suicide is by getting in some pussy."

"I trust J.D. Power, but not his shifty ""Associates"""

"How many ears does spock have? (if you don't get it read it aloud) a left ear, a right ear, and a final front ear."

"The tenth of October is the only day of the year that I would recommend 10/10"

"what's red and smells like blue paint? red paint"

"I don't like vacuums. They suck."