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Joke of the Day

"Star Wars: The Force Awakens comes out this week. I predict someone will shoot up a theater Don't worry though, it'll be a storm trooper and he'll miss everyone."

"Schrodinger's Hater gonna both hate and not hate."

"[Sportsjoke] How do you know it's going to be a white christmas? It's approaching with deceptive speed."

"I decided to see what it was like to live as a woman. So I sewed all the pockets of my jeans shut. EDIT: Corrected spelling."

"Why does Helen Keller play piano one-handed? She sings with the other hand."

"Sometimes I spend whole meetings wondering how they got the big meeting table through the door."

"We used to call a girl at work 'turtle.' When she's on her back she's fucked."

"I think it's bullcrap how Miley Cyrus can get naked, lick a sledge hammer, and people call it ""art"" and ""music"". Yet when I do it, I'm ""wasted"" and "" have to leave Home Depot""."

"What's the worst part about baiting a fish hook really well? Everyone knows you're a master baiter!"

"You can't spell ""ducking"" without ""autocorrect"""