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Joke of the Day

"When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof... I was shocked!"

"Logged out of Twitter for a few hours... Finally graduated college, lost some weight, showered, read 17 books, and started a family."

"According to the bank clerk, the robber was most likely to be a redditor... ...He seems to have screamed ""Thanks for the gold, kind strangers!"" as he ran away with the money."

"Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose"

"[drops a pinch of fish food into fish tank] ME: here ya go little buddies FISH: oh wow pukey shit flakes again, thanks man"

"""Hey Iron Man, how'd you get your powers?"" *flashes back to tony stark being bitten by a radioactive ironing board*"

"What's the slogan of Jewish proselytizers? Yahweh or the highway."

"What's the difference between a slave owner and Bernie Sanders The slave owner's Dick works Note: The slave owner has a slave named Dick"

"Q: Why did the girl fall off the swing? A: Because someone threw a piano at her."

"I stole Stephen Hawking's wheelchair today I thought it was hilarious, he had nothing to say on the matter."