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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend recently said that she needs some time and distance... Is she trying to calculate velocity?"

"Whaat do you get when you cross a Swede and a Norwegian? A socialist who wants to be king!"

"Why couldn't the Ghostbusters ever finish Oregon Trail? Because they couldn't cross the streams."

"If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you'll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway."

"What did one orphan say to the other? ""Robin, get the bat mobile."""

"HER: why do you hate every single Hugh Grant movie? ME: i love love actually actually"

"What do you call the memory of a camping trip? Past Tents"

"When I remember trees are alive I like to picture their brain is the roots and the trunk and branches are its legs dangling into the sky."

"Craigslist is actually a great way to find stuff that's been murdered on"

"If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell."