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Joke of the Day

"If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell."

"What's red and green and goes 100mph? A frog in a blender."

"*Notices that boss is about to walk into glass door* *Lets nature run its course*"

"Where do hogs keep their money? In piggy banks."

"I was caught after ditching a cab without paying... I was charged with Taxi Evasion."

"Librarian: can I check you out? Me: sure [spins around] Librarian: I meant your book Me: oh yea, that makes way more sense"

"Q: What did the tire say to the tire? A: I'm tired!"

"[me, to my brother] I can't believe we've never been to Coachella [my Ukrainian grandfather] when I your age, bear eat my wife"

"Customer: Why doesn't this restaurant have any specials? Waiter: Because nothing about this food is special."

"How many anti-Trump protesters does it take to change a lightbulb? TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING."