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Joke of the Day

"I have a pretty good joke about procrastination But on second thought I think I'll tell it later."

"Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club. Teen: Of course not dad! Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house."

"Reddit has taught me this in case I ever have a daughter. Never ever get a full size mirror installed in her bathroom."

"I asked my friend if I could borrow some money for condoms.... He gave me five bucks, and I told him ""Thanks for the *fucking* money."""

"If I had a dollar for every time someone calls me a racist I'd have $0.60."

"I broke up with my girlfriend over religious beliefs She didn't believe I was god. (Credit: Artie Lange)"

"My husband and I play this game where we buy potato chips the other one doesn't like so we don't have to share."

"I got a blowjob for Valentine's Day. (NSFW) I'm so fucking fucked if my wife finds out."

"[At work] ""guys check this out"" [Tries to do the fake walking downstairs thing but gets it wrong & walks up into the air] ""Holy shit help"""

"Is the KKK a good source of Potassium? Yes, because they're all bananas."