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Joke of the Day

"How many ""can't""s can a white girl ""can't"" before she literally can't even? my brother asked me this when i woke up and it has been bugging me all day."

"My cat deleted my final thesis. Don't believe me? Cats can handle mice."

"it's a status....not your diary..."

"What do I and Ronda Rousey have in common? neither of us can last more than a minute :("

"What does a Canadian hipster say? ""meh""."

"Did you hear about the dislexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog."

"Skrillex! It's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you've been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*"

"Why don't chickens wear underwear? Because their peckers are on their faces."

"The movie ''Finding Nemo'' would've lasted only 5 minutes if his mother would've looked for him."

"Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with ""I"". Paul: I is the... Teacher: No, Paul . You must say ""I am"" not ""I is."" Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."