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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear they found the body of the guy that leaked the Jennifer Lawrence nudes? They say he's the first person ever to be hi-fived to death."

Next Joke
 
"A bad metaphor is like a cucumber with a parachute."
"Why do Italians wear gold necklaces? So they know where to stop shaving"
"I'm pretty sure this zombie fad is dead ... But for how long?"
"What did the A/C unit say when it suddenly turned on? ""Sorry, I just needed to vent"""
"Wife: Put the dishes away I have other things to do. Me: ok *Me loading dishwasher with wife watching entire time to ensure I do it right*"
"How many light bulbs does it take to change a man? Just one, if you put it in the right place."
"The widow ask the doctor ""Why did my husband die?"" Doctor responds: ""Heavy drug use, ma'am"" Widow: ""But doctor, my husband didn't use drugs!"" Doctor: ""I know, but I did"""
"LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied"
"Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I'm married and not allowed to make decisions."