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Joke of the Day

"Directions: avoid contact with eyes ""It's Ok, Shampoo, I feel shy sometimes too."""

"I can't stand pedophiles. They're fucking immature assholes."

"What did the police officer say to the white man running away with a TV? ""Sir, you dropped your receipt!"""

"What do you call a tin boat? A hydrofoil."

"I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote ""dentists are liars"" into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that."

"Me: I love you..Marry Me! Burrito: I'm a Burrito..stop drinking."

"Childhood is like getting drunk.. ... everyone remembers what you did except you."

"A friend of mine got crushed by falling books. He only has his shelf to blame."

"Receiving reddit gold was like losing my virginity. I knew it would never happen again."

"I know one person who thinks he's an owl. Who? Now I know two."