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Joke of the Day

"Why do they call them ""roach clips""? Because ""pot holder"" was already taken."

"I remember the days when I wasn't addicted to Facebook...I also remember eating, sleeping, going out, returning calls, making eye contact,"

"What happens when your friend from Prague topples over? You right a Czech."

"""So, doctor, do I have cancer or not?"" ""Oh Jesus Christ, holy shit, tons of it,"" said the doctor to Martin Shkreli."

"What do Koreans need when they take out the dog? Oven mitts"

"There is still no cure for mornings."

"""One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the roots, and still be afraid of a spider."""

"No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat! *throws cat at Kinko's employee"

"Asking ""Why aren't you married yet"" is like asking ""Why haven't you jumped from a moving car yet?"" B/c it's painful and not required"

"I'd really, really love to adopt a kid some day. Abort* Sorry, I hate auto correct."