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Joke of the Day

"A bee was buzzing around my head and I was all ""It's not worth it, bro"" and he was all ""Fuck you, let's dance."" Stung me and he's dead."

"I bought a thesaurus at a store today. Brought it home to find all the pages were blank... I have no words to describe how angry I am"

"I married what some might call a ""trophy wife""... Unfortunately, she wasn't 1st place."

"All I got for my last birthday was a pack of sticky playing cards. I found it really hard to deal with."

"Why did the pentagon change it's name to the square? Because they were cutting corners."

"Where is the bathroom for I.T people located? At the I pee address."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven."

"How much money do terrible movies make? Ridley Scott. Thank you."

"""Everyone has at least one novel inside them"" Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift"

"What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper? Ruff"