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Joke of the Day

"*Blows air in girls face like Nintendo cartridge* ""Ok, NOW will you go out with me?"""

"Why did the prostitute die? Because fuck you, thats why."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? because 7 RAPED 9!!"

"If you love someone, poison them a little bit each day. If they don't suspect you at all, they might be the ONE."

"""911, please help im dying"" Good cop: help is on the way Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man Dad cop: hi dying, im dad"

"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"

"When I was a kid, I knocked out the power in my house. Mom said it was just a phase."

"two atoms are talking.. ""Hey Bob, why the long face?"" ""I've just lost an electron."" ""What, are you sure?"" ""Yes..... I'm positive."""

"Coffee rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M. Get the sugar. Java java beans, y'all."

"The Revenant was... Grizzly."