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Joke of the Day
"Why did the prostitute die? Because fuck you, thats why."
Next Joke
"What to do with a child soldier lower your aim. someone i met who is in the army told me this is what his sergeant told them, he didnt intend it as a joke."
"HI I'M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU."
"Pretty woman, the kind that don't eat meat Pretty woman, the kind that likes to hug trees Ohoh what can I do? She's making me eat vegan food"
"Married sex is a lot like Prison sex... The sex you're wanting, you're not getting. And the sex you're getting, you're not wanting."
"What kind of tree do chickens come from? None of them you stupid fuck. Chickens come from other chickens, trees from other trees, and the 'try' part of 'poultry' isn't even spelled the same."
"[out in public] Me: A kid is crying. Wife: It's not one of ours. [we fist bump]"
"the times they are indeed a changin..but the one time thatll never change is Lunch time. lock them engagements in if you think this is good."
"What's the difference between Ant and Dec and lesbian sex? Nothing. They're both just a couple of cunts bouncing off each other."
"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 53 times a day, you're an Instagram filter."