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Joke of the Day

"I'm keeping a greater distance behind this truck with a vanity plate that reads ""IMTEXAN"" than I do behind cars with ""Baby on board"" signs."

"One dog asks another dog how 2014 has been for him. He answers ""It has been a ruff year""."

"I was recently asked about my views on euthanasia. I said they all look the same to me."

"No matter who you are or where you come from, all anybody wants in this life is for no one to object to their iTunes mix playing at a party."

"How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? Aids."

"29 and 30 had a fight. 31."

"What business is King Kong in? Monkey business."

"Get a big metal box, label it ""TIME CAPSULE"" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like."

"A ninja turdle is when you poop really fast."

"My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time."