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Joke of the Day

"Sent out a mass text invite to my pity party & Autocorrect turned it into a pita party. Now I'm eating hummus with people I don't even like."

"Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph."

"Do you have a favorite boat joke? No? Well you will schooner or later."

"How is giving oral sex similar to smoking a cigarette? The flavor gets stronger the closer you get to the butt."

"You're spending a lot of time at that computer screen. Have you had your eyes checked? No they've always been blue!"

"What's Whitney Houston's favourite form of coordination? HAAAAAND EYEEEEEEE!"

"Butter must be southern Because it's usually inbred"

"I accidentally washed a black sock in with my whites and everything came out fine, so I totally get that whole ""I Have a Dream"" thing now."

"Years ago I went to a job placement agency. I left disappointed. Apparently nobody offers temp work as an astronaut."

"I just saw an 8 year old hipster. Your move, apocalypse."