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Joke of the Day

"No thanks, ads to buy more followers; I get them the old-fashioned way: by telling them they're gonna die and I can save them."

"How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? No potatoes."

"Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house"

"The dogboner /Neil degrasse Tyson situation has been an elaborate ruse all so Michael hale could claim on gawker that he has a girlfriend"

"What do you call the ""Dirty Jobs"" guy beating someone up? A Mike Rowe Aggression"

"Why was the Energizer Bunny jailed? On charges of battery."

"Both Christmas and New Years fell on a weekend this year, which had to suck for the four or five of you that still have jobs."

"What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes) Homie O'Stasis."

"You laugh at the burrito in my purse, until you get hungry."

"The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a fuck what your name is."