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Joke of the Day

"Me: ugh I have to wear a tie today, adulting sucks. Grandpa: I had to fight in World War II when I was 19. Me: I guess you kind of get it."

"I'll stop at nothing to avoid using negative numbers."

"I went to the zoo the other day... They only had a dog. It was a Shih Tzu"

"How to be cool: A) Use the cool sunglasses emoticon B)"

"What the japanese version of mission impossible? Miso impossible"

"What's the difference between a voyeur and a thief? A thief snatches your watch."

"I just want to have a long enough career in show business so I can become eccentric and bring a goat to a meeting or some shit"

"""What? Why am I a part of this?"" - the horse you rode in on"

"The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation ""Lettuce pray"""

"What's the worst part about being gay? You cant think straight."