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Joke of the Day

"For fathers day, I bought my dad a $100 gift card to the Apple Store... He said ""Thanks for the phone charger, son."""

"Just bought a copy of a talking holy book An Audibible."

"A good name for a vintage store would be 'Pants Dead People Have Farted In'"

"Why didn't the parrot want the black guy to buy him? Polly want a Cracker."

"Interviewer: How do you hit those high notes? Adam Levine: I sold my soul to the devil. Interviewer: Excuse me? Adam Levine: Practice."

"My dog was diagnosed with diabetes. Its okay though, I only had to give her one shot. I chose a .357 magnum."

"Shoutout to my Cold War reenactment group! We're just a bunch of chill white guys, sitting at a table, acting stressed about the USSR."

"Policeman: Why were you driving around in circles and laughing? Motorist: I thought I was on a merry-go-round."

"Is it me or.. Is it me or does this place smell like up dog? ""What's up dog?"" Oh nothing much what's up with you?"

"[1st date] Me: I've got crabs [date leaves] [back home looking at my fish tank] ""It's all right guys, one day I'll find one who'll like you"""