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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? A tire."

"LPT: Converting your dishwasher into a snow blower! Give the bitch a shovel!"

"INTERVIEWER: under skills you've listed ""gets jokes"" ME: haha, very good. good one sir, haha"

"I didn't think housework is a full-time job, so for Thanksgiving my wife served me a raw turkey. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

"TIFU by Mixing up my Pastor's Sandwich Order at Subway! Whoops, wrong *sub*."

"If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she: A. Has intimacy issues B. Is frigid C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus."

"guard your heart, cater to no man's ego, honor your own time and your energy, don't use uber. happy 2015."

"You ever click a link thinking you're going to get a free iPad, but all you get is a million emails? No? Yeah, me either."

"The thing I like best about smartphones is how they're a prison you keep in your pocket"

"Wayne LaPierre, head of the NRA, gets on a podium and encourages all black men in America to buy guns to protect themselves from white guys with guns. Just kidding."