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Joke of the Day

"Why did the horny girl go to Subway? For a $5 footlong."

"God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]"

"Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES."

"Dear Santa, Please send gift cards. Your taste has gotten significantly worse in recent years."

"Two Vietnamese men decided to go into business together... It was a Nguyen-Nguyen proposition."

"I like NPR because you always know how much saliva is inside every announcer's mouth at all times."

"What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is on fire? Bernie."

"Every woman I've ever been with only saw me the way they wanted to see me... ...in their rearview mirror."

"How did Chernobyl disaster happen ? scientist A : Are you sure ? scientist B : Trust me, I know what i'm doing."

"My girlfriend nicknamed me after a piece of classical music She calls me Canon in D Major"