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Joke of the Day

"""We can't put it off any longer Alan, our daughter needs new shoes"" CENTIPEDE DAD: [staring out the window] This is gonna bankrupt us Susan"

"Hindsight is $20.20. Don't even ask me what she charged to see her boobs."

"Breaking up with Japanese Girl Was Hard... I recently had to break up with my girlfriend who was Japanese and it was hard, I had to drop the bomb twice before she got the message."

"The importance of commas ""Let's eat, grandpa!"" said the incestuous cannibal"

"Lord of the Rings marathon -Do you know what a Lord of the Rings marathon is? -Yes -But do you know what a Lord of the Rings triathlon is? -No? -That's when you watch all three of them"

"I think my girlfriend might be pregnant... ...I just laughed at a Dad joke."

"If you play a Justin Bieber track backwards... ...You'll hear satanic messages. Even worse, if you play it forward, you'll hear Justin Bieber!"

"Who is the richest person in the Bible? The Pharao's daughter. She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet."

"Where's Eritrea? Up Djibouti!"

"Back in my day you knew who your real friends were because they ranked you in order of importance on Myspace."