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Joke of the Day

"I heard ISIS hates gay people so much they put a Fatwa on the entire city of San Francisco They called it 'A Haram Bay'"

"HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud"

"I usually make it to the ATM just behind the guy who's using it to refinance his home loan."

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. Iv got an ear infucktion. Better assk again."

"I just threw a football through a tire swing and now I'm in first place in the NFC South?"

"What do bees chew? Bumble gum."

"I am Dyslexia of Borg Your ass will be laminated."

"The Easter Bunny doesn't always drink, but when he does it's hopscotch."

"I should probably do some housework before they try to film the next Febreeze commercial here."

"""Sir, I need you to explain your resume."" Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters ""Current job?"" I pee on things I don't like"