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Joke of the Day

"*plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%* *lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*"

"Life is like a penis Its very short but when it gets hard it seems very long"

"Love is a can of soda. Open it up too fast & it explodes all over you. Take too long, it goes flat. But no matter what you should recycle."

"Four gay men are running around the track. Can you follow?"

"Rene Descartes walks into a bar... The bartender asks ""Want something to drink?"". Decartes replies ""I think not"", and disappears."

"Who does Luke Skywalker ask to charge his lightsaber? Char-Jar Binks"

"For Christmas I asked for the best looking person around The next morning I woke up in a box"

"I'm reenacting the War of 1812 with 47 gummy bears so I think the Ambien has finally kicked in. Casualties have been immense... & delicious"

"So I told my friend a joke about embroidery the other day... and the punchline had him in stitches!"

"The average person swallows eight spiders a year. And i've NEVER settled for average (pours burlap sack of spiders down throat)"