166835

Joke of the Day

"What do people with aspergers Do in the bathroom? They take an aspie"

"My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch."

"What is the worst kind of wood to have in your home around your kids? Naughty pine"

"What is the difference between a Ferrari and 4 dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage"

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."

"bowie leaves us and then a 9th planet appears, i don't need to read your science article"

"I wish mirrors and cameras would get together and figure out what I really look like."

"There's a fine science to the number of texts you need to pretend to be friendly before asking someone for a favor."

"If you love someone just tell them. Or get drunk and text them 75 times, that's practically the same thing."

"A salmon is swimming up a river. It hits a wall. Dam."